


Till I See You Again

by nattycookies09



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Emotions, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Inspired by Music, M/M, Other, Promises, Slice of Life, Suicide, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-08 02:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8827498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nattycookies09/pseuds/nattycookies09
Summary: Do not stand at my grave and weep.I am not there, I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow,I am the diamond glints on snow.I am the sunlight on ripened grain,I am the gentle autumn rain.Do not stand at my grave and cry,Because I am not there,And I did not die.
This is the story of Jisoo, or better known as Joshua from Pledis' band Seventeen, reminiscing the many memories he shared with his fellow bandmate, Lee Seokmin; formerly known as Seventeen's ball of sunshine.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> It's me, nattycookies09, again. :) Or you guys could just call me Naomi actually. ^^ I'm back with another story and this time, it involves Seventeen's members, Joshua (Hong Jisoo) and DK (Lee Seokmin). :) For those who have probably seen or heard of this story as the only story under the "Seoksoo" tag on AFF (asianfanfics.com), I have decided to post my story here on AO3 to share with you guys as well! :) 
> 
> This was written slighty more than a year ago, and it is a work that I am very proud off till this day. :) And that is simply because it is the only fanfiction that I completed from the start to the finish! It was supposed to be a one-shot, but it was wayyyy too long in my opinion. Hence, I decided to split it into 4 chapters for easy reading and anticipation too. ^^ 
> 
> It might seem unlikely, but yes, I actually wrote this fanfiction in two days and a week before my national examinations. ^^;; Honestly, I wrote it partially because it was an outlet for me to forget the stress for a day, but I had also gotten inspiration from my Spotify playlist, which played See You Again (Fast & Furious 7 OST) and How To Save A Life (The Fray) back-to-back and this was the story that I came up with for one of my Seventeen OTPs. :) 
> 
> With that, I hope that you guys would enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it and please anticipate it! :) Feel free to leave some comments in the comment box and don't hesitate to hit "Subscribe" if you enjoyed it and want to hear of the chapter updates immediately! :) 
> 
> Thank you everyone and goodbye for now! :)

** **

**In Loving Memory Of**

**Lee Seokmin**

**18 February 1997- 20 November 2014**

It had been one year since Seokmin had passed away. The atmosphere was solemn and everyone looked at the gravestone in silence, as if they were speaking to Seokmin in their minds. Tension was prevalent and despite the fact that some of us had cried enough last year, there was still the soft sounds of sniffles coming from Soonyoung and Jihoon.  
  
20th of November 2014.  
  
This was a date no one saw coming. Who would have thought SEVENTEEN's "Walking ray of sunshine" would have jumped off an overhead bridge over a busy highway? It was pretty crazy if you asked me, especially for a young, promising 17-year-old. He had a loving family, an amazing personality, and was well loved by many. Sometimes, it still baffled us why he would want to commit suicide despite the boy's promising future.  
  
After a few more long minutes of silence, the members started to bow towards the gravestone and one by one, they took their leave. Some had left sunflowers on the ground and said a prayer. I, however, remained unmoving and stood rooted to the ground.  
  
Soon enough, I was the last one standing in front of his grave, with my vision blurring ever so slowly. I closed my eyes, trying my very best to accept the fact that he was gone but it was harder to do than to say. I clenched my lips together and balled my hands into fists, telling myself not to cry in front of Seokmin's grave.  
  
"Jisoo-ah, I'll take my leave. Hyung will bring the others to go for lunch and you can join us when you feel that you're ready." Seungcheol said in an assuring tone, taking one last look at Seokmin's grave before walking away slowly; His form becoming smaller with the distance.  
  
Seeing Seungcheol leave was almost like a cue for me to break down in tears. My knees crumpled to the ground and the tears cascaded down my cheeks. At that moment, I had no idea what my feelings were anymore. It was filled with a mixture of hurt, jealousy, anger and relief. I was glad he got to take away his pain, away from the cruel world but I was sad that he seemed to have left us behind, without even giving us a second thought.  
  
"Seokmin ah, I miss you..." I thought, and the tears only continued to flow with more rigour this time.  
  
"I wished you could have told us what was going on. Who knows, maybe you could still be alive... Or maybe, we should have known to sense the change in you, to stop you from acting upon your hurt."


	2. The Change of My Best Friend

**{3 YEARS BEFORE HIS DEATH}**  
  
I remember the time when Seokmin had just joined the band. He was a timid looking boy, with thick rimmed glasses and a shy personality. He had a crew cut hairstyle, was relatively tall and had a pretty chiselled face. His nose bridge was evident and his cheekbones were so defined, it looked as if it could cut someone.  
  
"This is Lee Seokmin!!" Doogi PD said in an excited tone, "Please take care of him!! Seokmin-ah, these will be your fellow roommates!"  
  
At that, Doogi PD left the room and closed the door behind him. It was silent and all of us stared at the boy, waiting for him to say something. He, however, remained quiet and fiddled with his fingers, looking towards the ground and making no eye contact with anyone in the room.  
  
Seeing that someone needed to take the initiative, Seungcheol stood up first and walked towards the shy boy, who jumped a little at the sudden movement. I could tell he was probably scared out of his wits, but he had absolutely no choice now, but to trust us as we all knew that he was going to be our fellow bandmate someday.  
  
"I'm Seungcheol, currently the oldest in this group. I'm from Daegu!" He stretched out his hand and greeted the other to shake it, which the other did after much hesitation but continued to look as terrified as ever. If I was not wrong, his face was probably pale and he was breaking out in cold sweat.  
  
One by one, we greeted him and he begun to grow a teeny bit more comfortable by nodding and acknowledging that he had heard our names. I was the last one to say hello and with some form of confidence, I walked over to him and said,  
  
"Hello! I'm Hong Jisoo, but you can call me Joshua! I'm from Los Angeles, USA! Nice to meet you and I hope we can be friends!" I stretched my hand out and the boy looked at me before taking my hand in a timid manner and shaking it lightly.  
  
I chuckled at his antic and I was not exactly sure but his face had a tinge of pink, rising from his cheeks. At that, I showed him around the studio which we currently lived in and since I had no one to share a tent with at this moment, I brought him to mine.  
  
"Just place all your things here! Make yourself at home and welcome to SEVENTEEN!"  
  
                                                                                                              ********  
  
A few days had passed since Seokmin arrived and he was gradually becoming more talkative towards us. He was still quiet for most of the time, even if we were goofing around the studio and seemed to prefer to keep himself occupied with books in the tent and a portable reading light.  
  
"Jisoo-ah, can I see you for a moment?" Doogi PD asked and I nodded, immediately doing as I was told.  
  
"What is it, hyungnim?" I asked curiously, wondering why I was called specifically, out of the entire group.  
  
"The CEO wants you to teach Seokmin basic English and bring him out of his shell. The CEO ain't so happy with his character, saying that he would never make it into showbiz like this. Also, he needs to know a little bit of English, since it is the world's most common language. Any questions?"  
  
"Why me, hyungnim?" At this moment, countless thoughts ran through my head at a speed of a bullet train, wondering why in the world was I assigned such a task, out of all people in the group.  
  
"Pretty simple," Doogi PD replied knowingly, "I've been observing for the past few days and he seems to be the most comfortable with you. Anyway, I need to rush off for a meeting so I'll meet with you guys again!" He said in a rushed manner, before rushing up the staircase to make his way to the company building.  
  
I walked back into the studio and everyone looked at me, as if I had been gone for a century. I only smiled and said, "Carry on guys. Everything's okay." They took it as it was with no questions asked while I made my way back to the tent that I shared with Seokmin.  
  
"Seokmin-ah." I said, as I took a seat opposite the boy whose head was buried in the book, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee.  
  
"Oh hyung!" He looked up and placed his book by the side, looking at me intently with those hazel brown orbs of his.  
  
"I was wondering, would you wanna learn a little bit of English?" I asked hesitantly, a little worried to hear his answer and I braced myself to get a firm rejection.  
  
"That will be cool!" He replied excitedly, "I was never very good in my English in school but I really loved the language and I would want to learn it again if I could." His pupils dilated as he said those words, looking as excited as ever.  
  
"Cool! I'll officially be your new English tutor then. Class starts tomorrow, bright and early, so make sure you're ready!" I said with my relief and smiled a small smile at his excitement.  
  
"Yes hyung! I brought a journal with me and some pens so I think I'm ready!" He replied, while flashing a huge grin, which seemed to make the dimness of the tent seem a little less dark.  
  
"Jisoo, Seokmin, time for some practice!! Chop chop!! We need to work hard!!" Seungcheol knocked at the entrance of the tent. Taking Seokmin's hand, I motioned for him to get out of it and he did so willingly with the most rectangular smile I had ever seen.  
  
                                                                                                                ********  
  
The next morning, Seokmin was up, bright and early. He had probably woken up before me and was now gently tapping my shoulder, wanting to wake me up as well.  
  
"Hyung! It's 8am already!!" He whispered loudly into my ears. "It's time for our lesson!"  
  
I shuffled in my sleeping bag and continued to snooze before Seokmin shook me more violently than ever, whining, "Hyungggg, you said our lesson was at 7.45am!! We're 15 minutes late!"  
  
After much effort, I got out from my sleeping bag and smiled, "Alright alright. Come, let's not disturb the others. Change and we'll head to a coffee place not far from here." He nodded, and dug out his toothbrush and clothes, sprinting off towards the bathroom. I, too, did the same, after I had taken out all the materials that I needed and placed them outside the tent.  
  
Soon, we had finally headed outside with our haversacks. For me, I only had a couple of pens and a notebook while Seokmin looked as if he had brought his entire bag of things, just like how he arrived. I volunteered to take some of his things for him, but he rejected firmly as we continued to trudge up the relatively steep hill.  
  
"We are here!" I said in between pants, "We only need to cross the road and we can enjoy some gourmet breakfast and freshly brewed coffee!"  
  
Seokmin smiled and we made our way there in comfortable silence. He proceeded to take a seat first, obviously tired out from carrying all his materials while I queued for the breakfast. As usual, I ordered the American Breakfast and 2 Energy Booster smoothies for the both of us, paid and sat opposite Seokmin who was back to reading his novel.  
  
I found myself, shortly after I had taken my seat, beginning to study his features. He had a whole load of concentration and honestly, he looked pretty good while he concentrated on something. It was fascinating for me to watch as well, that someone would love Literature as much as he did. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were pursed, trying to focus despite the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop.  
  
"2 American breakfasts and Energy Boosters for customer Hong Ji Soo!!" I stood up, prepared to get the food before I felt a hand on my shoulder, keeping me from getting out of my chair.  
  
"I'll get it hyung, no worries!" Seokmin flashed his signature smile again and walked off with a slight skip in his steps, heading to the collection counter to get our breakfasts. I sat back down but followed Seokmin's figure with my gaze, just in case that boy needed some help.  
  
True enough, he was halfway to our table before he almost lost his balance and nearly spilled the Energy Boosters all over a businessman's crisp, white t-shirt. I laughed and stood up, taking the tray from him, despite his protests. I felt the glare burning into my back but I could only smile at the thought.  
  
"Hyung! I could have done it on my own!" He complained as he sat back down, folding his arms like a little kid who got refused entry into a toy store.  
  
"Not without causing a mess." I said with a smirk, only to be faced with Seokmin's strangely adorable frown, but I remained nonchalant and relished in the taste of such a great breakfast to start a great day.  
  
Surprisingly, apart from Seokmin being a quick learner in the way of the English Language, we had also discovered that we had pretty similar interests. For example, we liked the same television shows and same type of music. I introduced him to some English music while he introduced me to a little more of the Korean culture.  
  
Living in America for 18 years and having to come back was difficult to adjust back to the cultures back here and Seokmin enthusiastically suggested that he would make me re-learn the culture as a repayment for me teaching him English. I chuckled at his cute suggestion, before I was met with a roll of the eye from him.  
  
By the afternoon, we were considerably close, to the point we walked with our arms placed on each other's shoulder back to the dorm, with wide smiles on our faces.  
  
"Hyung!" Seokmin exclaimed, "Can we do this again?"  
  
"Of course we can! English is not an easy language to learn, you know." I laughed and he replied with a hearty laugh.  
  
"Yay! Thanks hyung!!" He gave me a hug round the neck and I pushed him away but smiled at the taller boy's cuteness.  
  
                                                                                                           ********  
  
**{~1 YEAR BEFORE HIS DEATH}**  
  
From that day onwards, we had done many different activities together. We went bowling with the rest of the members, ate both delicious and exotic Korean food and even went to night markets and noraebangs when we had the spare time.  
  
Bit by bit, Seokmin was out of his turtle shell and soon became the life of the party at the dorm. With his bright personality and rectangular smile, he could make anyone smile in seconds and he made the room seem a lot brighter with his presence.  
  
As our debut drew nearer, it was more difficult for Seokmin and I to continue what we used to do every single day as practice was crucial at this point. However, despite the lack of time spent together, we were still tent mates and groupmates and hence, never distanced from one another. He was still the loving and all-giving Seokmin that I knew.  
  
It seemed so quick when we finally made our debut on KBS World's Music Bank with our self written, produced and choreographed Adore U, which was part of our first ever mini album, 17Carat. A whole load of emotions overwhelmed us that very day and we celebrated our debut with our fans and the fellow members. If we were lucky, we got to go home to meet our families again.  
  
However, our success did not come without a catch.  
  
Truthfully, our company was near bankrupt and because of the sudden rise in profits because of us, there was never much time for rest. Soon, we had to prepare for our next album and film additional videos for Adore U.  
  
At first, none of us were affected by it but subtly, some of us began to question whether we had made the right decision. It was also during this time that I noticed Seokmin's slight change in behaviour. Despite his on-screen behaviour where he would flash his signature smile and seem energetic, he was the exact opposite the moment the cameras were turned off.  
  
He still smiled but never as much anymore. Overtime, he became more distant and there were days we did not have any conversations at all. Despite the fact that we were roommates by then since we had enough to rent a dormitory, he was quiet and did not seem to be as happy anymore. Sometimes, I could equate him with a living corpse who did nothing but eat, sleep and perform.  
  
Unfortunately, none of us really had the time to see what was really going on as we begun to get embroiled in our own emotional issues.  
  
Sadly, it was also because of this reason, which made us end up walking the path of regret.


	3. Hello & Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: 
> 
> 1\. Mild swearing 
> 
> 2\. Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide and death.

**{8 MONTHS BEFORE HIS DEATH}**  
  
On that fateful day, while we were practicing for our upcoming album, Seokmin had begun to fall ill. I noticed that he looked pretty much close to dead for half the time. However, whenever I or Seungcheol approached him to see whether he was okay, he would brush us off and tell us that he's fine with as much enthusiasm as he could conjure with his deceiving acting.  
  
Sadly, the act was over when he lost consciousness halfway through the song. Jihoon gasped and ran to the stereo to turn off the music before coming back to check on Seokmin. True enough, his forehead felt deadly hot and his body was the exact opposite. He shivered in his current state and Vernon called the manager to inform him of what had happened to Seokmin.  
  
Luckily, our manager was 5 minutes away and bolted through the doors at the speed of light before picking up Seokmin and placing him on his back, sending him to the hospital. None of us could follow now but we were allowed visitation in the night. Hence, we could only sigh and wait it out patiently as we continued our practice.  
  
For some reason, the time passed quickly enough and we found ourselves in the group car, sent to Seoul National Hospital to visit Seokmin. When we reached the lobby, we bolted out of the car and ran towards his ward, just to make sure that he was going to be okay.  
  
To our relief, he was already half awake when we arrived and his chest rose and fell rhythmically. His arm was attached to an intravenous drip and his body was wrapped up with two blankets, shielding him from the chill. Honestly, when I saw his state, my chest began to ache, seeing my best friend in hospital, barely conscious.  
  
"What's with the number of people here?!" A doctor spoke in a booming voice.  
  
"Annyeonghaseyo," Seungcheol spoke with polite confidence, "We are his bandmates and have come here to visit him. How is he, Doctor...?"  
  
"My name is Doctor Han," The doctor replied with a comforting smile, contrary to his initial entrance. "I did a check on him just now and his condition is fairly stable but I think he needs to come back for further checkups, considering your busy schedules. He should be discharged in 2 days time at most."  
  
We sighed in relief and thanked the Almighty that he would be okay. I, personally, was more than relieved.  
  
"Guys...?" A weak croak sounded and we turned in unison to realize that Seokmin had opened his eyes and noticed our presence.  
  
We surrounded his bed immediately and Jihoon spoke, "You're alive!!" I was so worried for you." His voice laced with worry and relief, "But the doctor said that you would need to come back for more checkups."  
  
"Hyung, I heard all that but don't worry about it. I'll be okay." Seokmin said comfortingly with a warm smile but at this juncture, I could not really tell whether it was the real Seokmin that I used to know or it was the actor, Lee Seokmin.  
  
After a few rounds of games, jokes and fun times, all of us had grown tired and soon, most of my members were already asleep soundly around the hospital ward. Five of them slept upright on the couch, some used the stools and placed it at Seokmin's bed, using his bed as a pillow and some were daring enough to sleep on the floor openly.  
  
I paced around the room, trying to avoid tripping all over the members who slept on the floor. Endless thoughts kept running through my mind and the more I thought, the more my worry escalated.  
  
"Hyung..." It was Seokmin, whose voice made me snap out of my thoughts.  
  
"Seokmin-ah. Are you really alright?" I asked with a little bit of caution within my tone. However, I noticed his change in his body language; He shifted uncomfortably within the blankets and didn't look me in the eye for a while.  
  
It all seemed too quick to comprehend before he flashed his rectangular smile again and just nodded before saying, "I'm alright, hyung. And get some rest because you have a long day tomorrow. Oh, and thank you hyung, for whatever you have done for me."  
  
He closed his eyes after that word and instantly fell asleep, travelling away to dreamland. I smiled slightly at his ability to sleep in a second, before taking a corner where I brought my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them. No matter how hard I tried, sleep never came over me and I remained wide awake with my worrying thoughts.  
  
                                                                                                          ********  
  
Seokmin was released from the hospital pretty smoothly and he was back with his typical, smiley, personality. He was almost back to his typical self, goofing around with the maknaes, playing jokes on the hyungs, including myself, and being the happy-go-lucky, just like how I knew him one year after I had first talked to him.  
  
Initially, because of the positive change in behaviour, all of us thought he was okay and that everything was bound to get better. We practiced hard and played hard as well, getting over closer overtime as a group.  
  
Unfortunately, we were dead wrong and were successfully blinded by the sudden introduction of happiness.  
  
It was after the 3rd visit to the hospital when Seokmin had went missing-in-action. Usually, he'd come and join us for a practice or two, but he was nowhere to be found. Gradually, worry started to rest upon our shoulders and it did not help when he picked up none of our calls. We tried the landline, we tried his spare phone given to us by the company and even his own personal line, but to no avail.  
  
Our managers were too busy to deal with minor problems like these so I volunteered to go home, knowing that Seokmin was the homebody, preferring to stay at home whenever he can. I grabbed my jacket and phone, rushing out of the dance studio and ran to our dormitory as fast as my legs could carry me and hoping that he was well.  
  
True enough, he laid on his bed with his back facing me. His body slowly rose and fell, with his eyes shut tightly, showing that he was well asleep. Heaving a sigh of relief, I took a seat at the foot of his bed and watched him sleep after I sent a short message to Seungcheol of his whereabouts.  
  
In silence, I pondered about what had happened to Seokmin, so bad that he went home instead of coming back for practice? Furthermore, I had also seemed to sense the change in atmosphere; No longer was it comfortable and full of camaraderie, but it was filled with tension and mystery.  
  
Not wanting to wake him up, I could only think, "Seokmin-ah, whatever it is you're going through, I hope you have the strength to tell hyung one day. You can trust me... right?"  
  
                                                                                                            ********  
  
**{2 MONTHS BEFORE HIS DEATH}**  
  
It had only been a quick 5 months before we were back into the music scene with our new mini album and title song, Mansae. Again, we were back to our busy lives and spent most of our time in the studio, practicing until our hair stuck to our foreheads and our clothes were so drenched, you could wring it and liquid will flow mercilessly.  
  
Seokmin's temperament got worse too, where he'd snap unknowingly, cry and argue with others but it never lasted long with him snapping back to his senses and apologizing, as if nothing ever happened.  
  
It broke my heart when I had to experience it for myself. He did utter a long string of curses and harsh words in my direction when I tried to comfort and help him. At times, Vernon had to step in and with his intimidating aura, no one really dared to mess around with Vernon.  
  
Nobody knew what was going on but we had to endure it for a while. Time was tight, practice was intense and hence, there wasn't really much time for our own personal matters to get in the way. We did have "group meetings" as an evaluative routine and reflections, but they were never long enough to cover everybody's emotions and their own personal feelings.  
  
There were times when I woke up in the middle of the night, only to find Seokmin's bed empty, but he would always be around the next morning, as if he had always been at home and was never out galavanting around.  
  
His features began to sink where his cheekbones became more prominent and dark eye circles were starting to take its place below his eyes. He was tired most of the time and slept whenever he could, away from us. It confused me but my heart still hurt from those words that cut like a freshly sharpened knife. Sometimes, it was similar to watching your best friend lose his mind gradually as well as his memories.  
  
Sadly, there was nothing I could do. Instead, I could only wait patiently for the right time. It clearly wasn't the right time to do so now and I could only pray that God would be merciful enough to show me a sign.  
  
                                                                                                              ********  
  
**{19 November 2014}**  
  
Surprisingly, Mansae's promotions seemed to take forever to complete. Our schedules were packed with performances, interviews, fan meetings, radio shows et cetera. Whatever you thought of, we definitely had it in our schedule.  
  
Seokmin was still temperamental, but was more quiet than ever. He rarely spoke, unless he had to and seemed to be in a world of his own. Now, he sat at the side of the bed, fiddling with his fingers like the first day I had met him.  
  
The members had gone out to restock our fridge and get a quick lunch before we went back to the studio, deciding to leave Seokmin and I behind.  
  
Perhaps, it was the perfect time to finally ask him about what has been going on, but I was still worried about his relatively crazy temperament. If he were to snap at me, I won't really know what to do, so I had to be sure that I was careful with my words.  
  
Mustering enough courage to act upon it, I asked, "Seokmin-ah..."  
  
"What?" The tone was monotonous, deadpanned and aloof, as if he did not even want to talk to me.  
  
"If I may, I just wanna know, what happened? To make you change so much? You are no longer the happy-go-lucky Lee Seokmin anymore. Sure, you do that for the fans, but it's different with us, your own bandmates. Are you hiding something, Seokmin-ah?"  
  
It was silent for a while, as if Seokmin was processing whatever I had just said. He only scoffed and said, "What do you care, hyung? Even if I'm hiding something, what can you do about it?"  
  
"I can't help you if you---"  
  
Seokmin gave me no chance to finish my sentence and went, "If I don't tell you? Yeah right. A great help would be to just shut up and pretend as if nothing's wrong with me. This problem is not something you can solve in a day. I'm tied to it, for most of my life. Nothing you say or do would get me out of this living nightmare. I didn't ask for this so stop putting your finger into other people's pie."  
  
"Seokmin, you don't understand. What you should know is that we can help you to at least cope with whatever you're going through. Yes, I know it's hard but we're a team and we make sure that nobody gets left behind---"  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, JOSHUA HONG JI SOO." Seokmin bellowed until his voice resonated from the walls of the house.  
  
"You don't know what it's like. YOU are the one who doesn't get it. You have a goddamn perfect life, what the hell would you know?! I didn't ask for a problem like that. This is something I have to go through on my own. It's my own personal problems that you guys can do nothing about. The CEO will be fucking disappointed and I'm not going to be responsible for that."  
  
I fell silent hearing all those words coming from someone like Seokmin. I knew someone would be angry and probably want to punch the living daylights out of him but I could not find myself to do so. Instead, my heart felt like it broke into a million pieces and tears welled up in my eyes. I tried to blink them away but one drop just had to fall, making it obvious that I had cried.  
  
"Are you crying now? Really, Hong Jisoo? That's one thing that I never liked and it's called pity. You do nothing but empathise. I've had enough of your bullshit, I'm leaving."  
  
For some reason, I stood up immediately and grabbed his wrist tightly but he shook it off roughly and slammed the door behind him, not even caring to look behind.  
  
At that, I could only fall back on my own bed, hugging the pillow next to me as I cried myself to sleep, guilty that I was unable to do anything despite the seemingly perfect moment to do so.  
  
                                                                                                  ********  
**{5 HOURS BEFORE HIS DEATH}**  
  
The day seemed to pass off in a blur, with our dance and vocal practices without Seokmin. He was gone for most of the day and refused to pick up any calls, whether it was from us or even our manager. Due to that, we decided to leave him alone instead of continuing to pester him, demanding an answer for his absence.  
  
We came back for dinner at 10pm but he was still nowhere to be found. The room was empty, just like how it was in the late morning and I just sat on my bed with my mind blank.  
  
"Josh! Joshua!! JOSHUA HONG JISOO!" Vernon exclaimed, snapping me out of my subconscious state of mind.  
  
"You need to eat. You missed out on lunch and have just been drinking water ever since Seokmin disappeared. Here, have some kimchi at least. Jihoon's preparing some food so we might have to wait."  
  
"Thanks." I said, taking the plate of kimchi and chopsticks from Vernon and proceeded to pick up a cabbage leaf from the messy pile that Vernon had placed on the plate.  
  
"Don't worry, Josh. He's a strong kid and I doubt he'd do anything reckless." Vernon said assuringly, but I knew better that Seokmin might well be on his way to doing something so rash, there's no stopping him.  
  
Despite the fragrance from Jihoon's kimchi and spring onion pancakes, it was still difficult for me to eat. The kimchi, untouched, continued to sit at my bedside table and since there was no reason for me to stay awake, I decided to sleep and drift slowly to dreamland while thinking of my friend, Lee Seokmin.  
  
                                                                                                          ********  
  
**{2 HOURS BEFORE HIS DEATH}**  
  
A few hours had passed since we fell asleep and the house was still in a state of pin drop silence. All were soundly asleep in their own respective rooms and I, too, was in the same physical state.  
  
However, the silence was soon broken when I heard the unlocking of the main door. My eyes shot open but I continued to lie in bed, frozen. From the corner of my vision, I knew that it was Seokmin when he opened the door to our shared room. For my case, it was pretty impossible to miss a guy like him.  
  
To my surprise, he did not go to bed but instead proceeded to turn on the small desk light we had in our room. I heard the sound of a stack of papers taken out from the drawer as well as the clicking of a pen, followed lastly by the sound of the pen against the paper in scribbles.  
  
Time seemed to tick by at a snail's pace and I heard the sound of papers being folded, more writing before I heard the switch of the desk light, signalling to me that it had been turned off. The chair was dragged and put back in its proper place before I felt his presence looming over me.  
  
My back turned to face him and I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep, despite the sudden pain in my chest.  
  
"I'm sorry, hyung." was the last thing I heard before I heard the main door close for the last time that day.  
  
                                                                                                          ********  
The morning came fast and the sun shone to reveal the luscious greenery we had outside the house. The chirping of birds were evident and the wind howled against the windows. Indeed, it was a beautiful day on the 20th of November.  
  
Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes, I was greeted with a small note instead of my plate of stale kimchi that probably went bad during the night. It wasn't a large sheet of paper and was square in shape, pale blue in colour with the word "형 (Hyung)" written on it.  
  
I sat up on my bed and took the note, unfolding it slowly to reveal its contents. To my shock and horror, it was written entirely in English and I smiled at the thought, without knowing the contents.  
  
Jisoo hyung _/ Joshua_ hyung  
  
_Thank you for being such a caring and friendly_ hyung _towards me. On the first day, I remembered the terror I experienced when I was introduced to all of you but you greeted me with such warmth and friendliness, which is hard to find today. To me, it was filled with_ genuity _and I couldn't be more thankful for the times we spent together after that._  
  
_You taught me important skills, one being the skill of English, which would definitely make this letter for you way easier to understand. Your_ hardwork _and dedication makes me look up to you and sometimes, I wish I was like you but then again, everyone's different right?_  
  
_Unfortunately, the happiness did not last long and I found myself trapped in my own feelings. The stress began to pile_ up, _since my father passed away when we debuted and my mother was in a financial crisis._ Everyday _, she called me to say how her day went and my heart broke every time I heard her cry._  
  
_I did not have the heart to tell you guys_ either, _since we had many promotions and schedules, which made it impossible. The stress consumed me eventually and I know I lashed out a couple of times, even hurting my own band mate's feelings with my careless words and harsh actions._  
  
_With that, I figured that it would be better for me to find happiness so that you and the other people I care about would get them too, without me hindering your progress to find the hidden gift which everyone was given; but it is up to them to find it._  
  
_Yes, call me selfish, with the fact that by the time you read this, I would have been gone from the living, but I hope you would accept it and forgive me one day because by then, I would be as free as a wild bird,_ rid _from the sadness and pain that keeps me here. I have found my happiness and I pray you would find it too._  
  
_It's hard to process, isn't it? However, I hope you do not mourn over me for too long. You've been a great_ hyung _and have brought great joy and positivity in this short life of mine. Continue to spread it, despite my passing, and be_ like _a beacon of hope to others, just like you were for me._  
  
_Joshua Hong Ji Soo or Hyung, I wish you all the best and thank you again for being such a wonderful blessing. Remember me before I was consumed by my own grief and keep those memories in your heart instead of the times that I brought hurt to myself and the rest of you._  
  
_I'll see you again, I promise, and I'll greet you with open arms when the time for you has come. Do not blame yourself for my death because this was my choice and there was no way you could have stopped it._  
  
_My friend, I bid you goodbye and let's meet again, hmm?_  
  
_-Lee Seokmin, 20 November 2014-_  
  
As I read the letter, my heart broke into a million pieces and the tears flowed freely without stopping. The letter was soon to be drenched with my tears and I could only feel the pain, which had been amplified by tenfold.  
  
I staggered to the living room and noticed that all of the members too, were weeping softly. Seungcheol sat there with his face pale, like he had just seen a ghost. His phone was left on the table and I walked over to it, only to be greeted with these words.  
  
**[BREAKING NEWS]**  
_A young teenager, aged 17 and above, was found dead yesterday at the foot of the Noryangjin overhead bridge, just above Noryangjin Highway 2. He sustained severe injuries_ with _a broken spine and a head injury. He was reported to have been hit by an oncoming lorry and was pronounced dead at the scene on the 20th of November, 0500hrs_.  
**[UPDATED]**  
_The victim has been identified. He goes by the name of Lee Seokmin and is confirmed to be one of the main vocalists of_ rookie _group, SEVENTEEN. The reason of his death is still unknown. Our condolences go out to his family and friends._  
  
Subconsciously, I found myself on the ground, kneeling as I clutched my heart in pain and agony. The tears rushed down my cheeks even harder, especially since I was the last person he had talked to before his death. Memories came flooding back like a tidal wave, the good and the bad as I could probably hear my heart shattering into smithereens.  
  
Deciding that the atmosphere was too stifling to voice out my pain, I ran out of the dorm, running as fast as I can to the nearest park, which happened to be at the Hangang River. In between pants and sobs, I stopped running, finding a patch on the ground underneath an Angsana tree and lying on it.  
  
The only thoughts that ran through my head at that moment was why he had chosen to do it. I knew pretty well this was something he did not want me to do, but I did not have the heart and the audacity to be happy after hearing of my best friend's death. I looked up into the sky and noticed the cerulean blue skies and the white, puffy clouds which dotted the sky.  
  
"How I wish you would be sitting here with me, right now. Whether you were dead or alive, I just need to see you one last time." I thought to myself, in between my sorrow and grief.  
  
God knows how I managed to fall asleep in my mental state but I was drifted to dreamland.  
  
At that moment, I found myself in a green grassland, with butterflies fluttering about and beautiful yellow sunflowers growing on the hillside. I walked through it, feeling nature with my bare hands. My spirit felt uplifted and I took in a deep breath of the fresh air as it caressed my face.  
  
I was in a moment of bliss before I heard a familiar voice call out to me.  
  
"Hyung!!"  
  
I turned around, noticing the boy I knew too well, clad in all-white with a huge smile on his face, waving to me in the most animated fashion. Smiling, I waved back with less energy, considering my personality.  
  
Then, a strong grip was found around my waist and a sharp chin rested on my shoulder. Suddenly, I was brought to an instant calm as my entire body felt warm and comforted by his presence and I replied with the same gesture.  
  
"You came to see me, hyung?"  
  
I nodded a little sheepishly.  
  
"That's nice of you. I wished to see you one last time and look where we are." He smiled again, but sighed, "However, you need to let me go or you'll never move on. I need you to do that, for me and for everyone else around you. Take me as a memory. You have much to live ahead of you so go, have fun while you can."  
  
The tears were apparent again and it trickled down my eyes, falling onto his perfectly clean, white shirt and I was being pushed away from his grip. Looking at me, he smiled again and used his thumb to wipe my tears away.  
  
He took a few steps back and said these words as he began to disappear from my vision, flickering between reality and virtuality.  
  
"Goodbye Joshua. I'll see you again. Live for me and I hope you won't need to feel sorrow, pain and hurt anymore. I will always be there spiritually, whether in your happiest moments or your darkest times and I will protect you. Let no harm come to you and I'll see you again soon."


	4. And So We Meet Again

**{PRESENT DAY}**  
  
A few days after Seokmin's first death anniversary, I walked to the cafe that I brought him to 4 years ago. The memories remained in that place but I was determined not to let it get to me this time.

Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I stepped in confidently and ordered my usual Energy Booster, but the next sight shocked me more than I could imagine.  
  
"Good morning sir! How might I serve you today?" The boy flashed me a rectangular smile and he looked just like Seokmin. He was taller than me, had bright eyes and the same sharp features as Seokmin, except he wasn't wearing glasses or a red flannel.  
  
"Sir?" The voice spoke again and I snapped out of my daze, flustered at my actions.  
  
"O-oh," I stammered, "I-I would l-like the E-energy booster p-please."  
  
"Small, medium or large?" The guy replied as he tapped in the order at lightning speed.  
  
"Medium, thank you."  
  
"Cool," The guy said with his rectangular smile, "I love that drink too! And oh, are you from that band... SEVENTEEN?" He asked in a chirpy manner.  
  
"Y-yes, I a-am." I stammered again when I saw the guy smile.  
  
"Oh wow! Don't mind, I'll see if I have the time to talk to you! I love your music!" He replied in an animated fashion, "That'll be 5,600₩ please!"  
  
I gave him the change and after he did the counting, he only said, "Have a seat! I'll deliver your drink!" before moving onto the next customer.  
  
Ten minutes seemed to pass as if it had only been one minute and the boy had come back with two Energy Boosters in hand, "Here you go!"  
  
I took it with both hands and nodded in gratitude, as he took a seat opposite me and looked out to admire the beautiful scenery of Seoul's suburban district. Soon, we began to talk and we too had plenty in common, just like how Seokmin and I discovered and he was also from Gyeonggi-do, just like how Seokmin was.  
  
The only difference he had was that he could speak fluent english and did not need glasses to aid him with his eyesight. Indeed, they were alike; They looked the same, sounded the same and liked the same things! It was mind boggling, but I took it as it was.  
  
"Oh, I need to go soon! My shift's about to start!" He chugged down his drink before setting off in a hurried manner, adjusting his apron as he did so.  
  
"WAIT!" I called out and he stopped while I rushed over to him with my unfinished drink in hand.  
  
"Yes?" He looked up and gave me a wide eyed stare, not expecting me to run after him like that.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Dokyeom! Lee Dokyeom!" He spoke with pride and pointed at his nametag in the most proud manner.  
  
"Will I see you again?" I asked curiously, not wanting to sound like an absolute creep.  
  
"Oh, of course! I need money for college, remember? Okay, I really need to fly!! I'll see you soon, I hope?" His voice laced with hope.  
  
"Yes, you will. I'm a regular so... yeah..."  
  
"Great! I'll see you again soon then! Goodbye!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! 
> 
> Now, this marks the end of my first ever Seventeen fanfiction, Till I See You Again! :) I want to thank you guys for being so patient and supportive of this story. :) Indeed, this was a very fun and enjoyable story to write, despite the fact that it is heavy on the angst. ^^;; I'm very grateful for all your support so far; subscriptions, comments (on AFF) as well as for taking the time to read this fanfiction. :) I do have another one on AFF titled "Class A-Team", starring Gong Yoojung (OC) and Joshua (Hong Jisoo). :) Unfortunately, that will be on hiatus for the time being and I hope to get back to that real soon! :) 
> 
> This story is available for download now, however, I would need to be notified via the comment section below when you have downloaded it! In addition, please DO NOT post this work and claim it as your own. If you want to write a story based on this, please link my story in your cover notes. Thank you everyone! It was great writing this for you and I hope to see you guys in the next one! 
> 
> P.S. I was supposed to have a Vietnamese translation for this fanfiction and I will check with my translator whether it is ready! :) 
> 
> P.P.S If you just want to keep up with what I do or have any questions for me, you can follow my tumblr accounts! :) My main one would be under the name of @peanatcookies while everything about my fandoms and K-pop is @nattycookies2709! :) Just drop me a message because I'd love to get to know my readers better! :) See you there! ^^


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